tired
so tired
so heavy

they cheer
anyone
anyone who says
the right words
about Israel

even if the same mouth
spits
spits on me

on my Blackness
my Native blood
my queerness
my womanhood
my in-between body

doesn’t matter
doesn’t matter
as long as the flag waves
as long as they shout
“pro-Israel”

they’ll take anyone
any ally
anyone
at any cost

throw me under
throw us all under
doesn’t matter
doesn’t matter
who breaks
who bleeds

I’m supposed to clap
supposed to cheer
supposed to be grateful
supposed to feel safe
supposed to be seen

I feel trapped
pressed
squeezed
crushed

can barely breathe
can barely see

I want out
want silence
want to stop
stop hearing
stop feeling
stop bending
stop cutting myself small

sometimes disgust
sometimes emptiness
sometimes fear

always weight
always pressing
always heavy

I am not just “Jew”
not just “Zionist”

I am many
I am whole

I am still here
still breathing
still feeling
still resisting

and I’m tired
tired of cutting pieces off

so someone else
can call me ally
so someone else
can feel safe
so someone else
can pretend it’s enough

I am here
all of me

and it is not enough for them
it is more than enough for me